


Chasing after ghosts

by tenmillionotters



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, Post-Break Up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-04
Updated: 2018-03-04
Packaged: 2019-03-26 23:13:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 950
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13868016
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tenmillionotters/pseuds/tenmillionotters
Summary: I just want to talk.These words were looming over his head like a butcher’s knife. Just talking huh. When was the last time they did that? They talked a lot. They talked about  nothing. There was silence. There was noise. His voice was everything he wanted to hear. His voice made his ears bleed.Nothing was easy. Especially not when it came to Uta. There was no place or time in his life for someone like that. All he needed in life was something like him.





	Chasing after ghosts

**Author's Note:**

> This is an attempt to get back into writing the ship... Enjoy

It wasn’t like him, it wasn’t like him just to call him in the middle of the day and ask him to meet him in the city. Usually he was more ominous, he loved his little games, his little tricks. There had been a few occasions where they had tried to be _conventional_ but it never felt right, it never worked out. 

This relationship never worked out. 

But still he was drawn to him, to the mess he was, to all the amazing things he was. To the past he represented, to the future he didn’t want to meet. Renji felt tired, just the thought of meeting him out there in brought daylight was exhausting. He wanted to see him. He wanted to run away. 

Was it really a good day for… for what? Was this a date? Probably not. Terms like that would never really capture what moved them, what swayed them, what always reunited them and drove them apart. 

_I just want to talk._

These words were looming over his head like a butcher’s knife. Just talking huh. When was the last time they did that? They talked a lot. They talked about nothing. There was silence. There was noise. His voice was everything he wanted to hear. His voice made his ears bleed. 

Nothing was easy. Especially not when it came to Uta. There was no place or time in his life for someone like that. All he needed in life was something like him. 

Renji walked into the small café where Uta wanted to meet him, he sat in front of a lonely cup of coffee, staring out of the window watching people pass him by. He was like a phantom. He was something that didn’t fit into the picture. He was still there. 

“You made me wait,” he smiled, of course he knew that it was only a lie, “As usual.” 

There was no reason to fight with him today, he started at his hands, he wanted to leave. He didn’t want this afternoon to end. 

Uta quietly emptied his cup and ordered two new ones, then he sighed sweetly and looked at his friend, “You’re even more quiet than usual, you know you could have just turned my invitation down, you’re not obligated to meet me if you don’t feel like it.” 

But he knew that there was no way he could refuse. 

“I just wanted to talk to you,” he lowered his gaze and tried to find the right words, but there weren’t any, “I haven’t seen you in a long while.” 

They only met the day before. 

“Oh? Then what is so urgent that you have to meet me in private,” since when did privacy come with being surrounded by a sea of strangers? But deep down inside he knew that all that kept them composed was the fact that they were surrounded by countless lives that would never align with theirs. 

“I wanted to talk about something with you for a long while now.”

Was it really that important? If he could have he would have just gotten up and left immediately. Something deep inside of him as shivering, breaking, the knife was pressing against his windpipe now, “What do you want to talk about?”

“It’s about Hikari…”

He knew exactly how much he hated it when he said that name, he had no right to say it. Nobody did. 

“... and Touka…”, there were only a hand full of things that could unsettle Uta. All of them tied back to Renji. 

“... what about them…?”, if his voice had sounded cold before, it must be freezing now. 

How should he bring it up? These thoughts had formed in countless nights he had to spent alone when he wanted to be with someone. When he wanted to be with only one specific person. When he felt a loneliness that was unknown to him till this day. A loneliness that would stay, even when they were together. 

“Renji, I know you miss your sister,” he saw the anger in his eyes, but also the pain, “But you can’t force Touka to become _her_.”

If he would open his mouth, the words would just fall out, he couldn’t say anything, he didn’t want to listen. 

“You’re chasing after a ghost. Hikari is dead and Touka is her own person,” it felt like razor blades cut into his tongue but he couldn’t stop talking, “You can’t protect Hikari anymore, you need to let her go… and try to live your own life… or whatever is left of it.” 

“What do you mean with whatever is _left_ of it?”, there was no reason to ask for an explanation, it was a truth that was dragging him down every day. There was nothing left of himself, he had giving everything up as a punishment for a crime he didn’t commit. 

“Do you still have something you live for… that is not your sister? You need to understand that she is dead. Renji, she will never come back. Touka will lead her own life, she will go her own way, she can’t lead the life you wished Hikari to have… so, what is your answer?” 

Renji felt his mouth run dry, did he have one? What kind of answer was Uta expecting? That he suddenly found the strength and will to leave the past behind?

“No, there’s nothing.” 

Why did he smile all of the sudden and while did this smile taste like defeat, “I thought so…” Maybe he was naive to hope for anything but a realistic answer, he stood up and placed his hand on Renji’s shoulder, “I am sorry that you feel like this… my friend.”


End file.
